Actions Speak Louder Than....Words?

This past week has been exceptionally trying for me. I have been quite self-obsessed for the past couple of months, feeling a stirring to do something, to move, and completely unable to figure out how. While I am still struggling, I cannot help but take a moment and process the events, actions, and words with which I have been bombarded lately. So enjoy the stylish rantings of me being forced out from under my self-imposed rock.

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With good old Dan Cathy choosing to weigh in on the same-sex marriage debate, it seemed a lot of vitriol began to seep onto my Facebook news feed. For me to really finish processing stuff like this, I must put pen to paper, (well, fingertips to keyboard). So, this is your warning to close your browser as you may not like what I have to say.

As Christians, we are called to live an intentional life, where our words and our actions point toward the kingdom of God. When we make blanket statements, as Mr. Cathy did, we may speak truth, but we do it in a way that marginalizes and vilifies our neighbors. There is a reason, I believe, that after Pentecost, we don't see a great deal of "stump speeches" in the New Testament. The greatest example of how we approach the world is through Jesus himself. He was in the mix, sitting at the table with all kinds of people, sharing a meal, swapping stories, building relationships.

THAT is the key to ministering to a lost and dying world: RELATIONSHIPS. Every time we go out and "stand up for what we believe in" by grandstanding and posturing, we take two steps back as a collective. So, in my humble opinion, Mr. Cathy did nothing more than use his position and "authority" to make a mess and bring attention to himself. In the end, all he did was cut us off from more people that need Christ's love, mercy, and healing. And, after a little research, I'm a little disappointed in his corporation in their choices for charitable giving. Instead of paying to "pray away the gay," how about you go feed some poor kids or build a homeless shelter?

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I will never understand the word "senseless." Sometimes it is used to mean stupid or even unconscious, but in reference to the shootings in Colorado, it's definition is "meaningless." As far as I am concerned, there was only one death that ever had meaning and it involved a couple pieces of wood, three nails, and Love in human form.

Even though we use this word, "senseless," it seems all we do is feebly attempt to create meaning for heart-shattering events like Colorado. This inevitably lands in some sort of political discussion and this event, in particular, puts us squarely on the 2nd Amendment without passing go. Honestly, I'm slightly "left of center" on this one. I have no issue with gun ownership, but assault rifles? Really? Is there a valid argument for them?

I am not a hunter, fisherman, type of guy. Granted, I know enough and have done it enough that, in the event of the apocalypse, I can catch my own food and take aim at the zombie's head, but outside of this, it just holds no interest for me. Most of my brothers, and many friends, are passionate about it and I would never begrudge them that. For many, it is a healing, even spiritual experience to commune with nature and enjoy the peace and tip-toe pace of the outdoors. By all means, go hunt Bambi, but who needs an assault rifle or machine gun to do that? And if you really go old school and use a bow and arrow, you score a great deal more cool points with me.

The dialogue in which we find ourselves now is not something I shy away from and, for the most part, really enjoy. I always want to hear what other people think and why, (notice I included "why," give me some foundation for your argument people!), but what I cannot handle is when people run out and make these big baseless statements that just make Christians look like aliens from another planet. Take the crazy senator guy who ran out to a podium and cried out that we got what we deserved because we took God out of schools, (1. you're a fool if you think you or anyone else has the power to take God out of anywhere, except your heart 2. Really? Are we still whining about that? Build a bridge people, and the moment we have to start meeting in cramped, unventilated basements with only one 40 watt light bulb and whisper our worship for fear of being detached from our heads, I will gladly cry out persecution with you, until then, all you will get from me is constant sighing and eye-rolling)  ***And yes, I just broke my own record for the longest parenthetical phrase I've ever written.

What really gets me is when I get on Facebook and see other Christians posting ridiculous pictures and statements in regards to guns, gays, or whatever the trendy topic is. The point is, none of these things can be boiled down to a simple phrase, picture, or statement by a bigwig CEO. These simplistic phrases wound people and do nothing to advance the kingdom. What you're doing is: 1. Reducing a major issue with bad humor, 2. Creating yet another hackneyed statement, 3. Pushing an agenda you have no business pushing in such a way.

And I will just put this fact out there: In states where there are more gun owners, there are also substantially higher numbers of assaults and suicides. Process that information however you like, but it's the truth.

There's a great song that we did last night called "When it's All Been Said and Done," that really sums up what I am trying to say here. There's this line that asks, "did I do my best to live for truth." Notice, it doesn't say "speak the truth" or "tell the truth," it implies actions beyond words. Our "acts" are what define us. Will they define us as humble servants or as polarizing mouthpieces?

I will always have more questions than answers, and the majority will typically disagree with me on things like this. Even in this season of being the man with a compass and no map, I find peace in knowing my direction though I don't know the path. This direction, or foreknowledge of where my journey ends, is informing the choices I make today. All I know is God is Love, God dwells in me, therefore I love beyond my own capacity. Love tells me to sacrifice, to be the least, to get off the stump.

We are........family?

Family. There isn’t any great definition for it. There are a number of organizations around that claim non-profit status, take your money under the guise of fighting for the “traditional” family, when really all they do is promote bigotry and self-righteousness, (just so you know, I pretty much despise the word “traditional” as much as I hate the word “doctrinal” as neither of them rarely move us forward).

Not too long ago, a group of friends and I slowly came to the realization that we are living in community. We are involved in each other’s lives and invested in one another. These are the people that I consider my family.  This motley crew is comprised of many family units who are in varying places on their journey and, on the surface, don’t seem to have a great deal in common. So, why does this group work? We share a hunger for something more, something greater than ourselves.

I’m sure you were all thinking that I was going to say God. And on one level, that is true, but it over-simplifies. I worship with a church of roughly a thousand people and God is my common denominator with them. Sadly, it is also as far as most of those relationships will ever go because most church-goers still live in the American ideal of church and not in the intended close-knit, interdependent family of believers that the church is supposed to be.

Unfortunately, the American standard of Christianity has been boiled down to a few simple ingredients that don’t come anywhere near what God wanted for his children. An unintended consequence of this and the American lifestyle that has been allowed to infect the church is isolationism. In this age of inter-connectedness, we have become so distant from each other. I will be the first to admit that I don’t know a single one of my neighbors. There’s apparently an older gentleman that lives next door to me on whom I have never laid eyes. I came home last night to find a family moving in to the house on the other side of me that I didn’t even realize was empty, (their midnight move-in does have me hoping that maybe they’re in witness protection or something).

This isolationism has left us indistinguishable from the society in which we live. We operate with this attitude of, “it’s my business,” or “that’s my kid,” or “it’s my life.” It isn’t that there isn’t any truth in those statements, but when you live in community, the “traditional” family ideal is obliterated and you come to understand that no one spouse or set of kids can provide everything for each other. Yes, parents, I’m talking to you. No, you cannot provide everything your child needs to become who they are. You need other parents, mentors, even other children. In short, you need to expand your idea of family.

I should also state that we don’t live in a commune. Not that I am against it. I am all for communal living provided there is no kool-aid or stock-piling of weapons. I would love nothing more than my friends and I to buy out a cul de sac, but proximity is not a prerequisite for community and in no way ensures or improves the likelihood of success.

This concept of community has really hit us hard lately as we’ve been dealing with a lot of hurt and grief and learning how to love and support each other as new paths are chosen and some relationships change or even end. The beauty of our current situation is the openness of my friend’s hearts, homes, and resources as we each grow through these tough times. What it has really done is solidify our commitment to each other. It is a thing of wonder to look at my friend’s children and know that I will be alongside them as they laugh, cry, hurt. I will be there as they grow.

I encourage all of you to seek out those that can be intimately involved in your life. I pray that God will lead you to people that you can trust to be your partners on this crazy, exhausting journey. The greater question is: are you willing to be a part? Living in community is not easy. It requires commitment, engagement and an enormous amount of grace. Quite often, it is about serving the needs of those in your family that, in truth, you’d rather not be bothered with. At those times, will you get in there and be a part of the fight, the struggle, the ugliness, or will you say, “I’m staying out of that drama.”

The whole purpose God wants us to realize by living in community is that it is a model, a training ground, for how we serve the world. If we cannot learn to be interdependent and give all we have to each other, how then, can we be truly prepared to change the world?

Stormy Weather

There's just something about summer rain that I love. These are the special rainstorms where the sun is still shining bright and we respond to those heavy drops of nourishment with a smile. We had our first one of the year here yesterday and I greeted it gladly while I closed my eyes, looked up toward the heavens and thanked Him for the much needed blessing and the peace that these showers bring to me.

Blessings. 

This is a topic that, while we sort of understand it, we don't react the way we should for the most part. It is our selfish nature to make our Christianity all about us. Christ died for me. I'm not saying this isn't true, but I now understand that it is incomplete. Yes, Christ died so that we may be saved AND through our salvation reveal the glory of God to all the earth. What makes you think your blessings aren't the same? Psalm 67 says, "May God be gracious to us and bless us; look on us with favor SO THAT Your way may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations."

Over the past couple of years God has been overhauling me. My broken heart, my broken spirit, my lack of understanding Him and His purpose. One of the big hurdles for me was trying to comprehend grace, (as much as we mere mortals can, that is). What I came to understand was that grace doesn't just stop with me. He doesn't give us grace, He gives grace to the world through us. The same can be said of any of the virtues as well: patience, joy, wisdom, mercy. These are all gifts that we ask for and, once we've received them, should be spread to all those around us. Sadly, I think we fail at this more than we succeed.

The same principle should be applied to all the extrinsic gifts God has given you as well. Did He give you a spouse? Then you honor Him through how you treat them, support them, exalt them, love them. Did He give you children? Then you better follow Max Lucado's lead and lift them back up to Him. Your house? Your car? Your money? Your health? In what ways is the glory of God being shown through the blessings He has given you? Are you playing safe with your blessings, (yes, you probably are), or are you giving til it hurts/scares you? And I'm not talking about what you give to your church, either, (but I will be driving that bus sometime this week), I'm referring to the people you encounter on a daily basis. What are you giving them? Whoops! Wrong question. What would God give them? I have much more to say on this, but I will save it for another day. But I hope that you will pray about your hangups, your own selfishness, and how the world could truly see God if we truly stepped out on faith.

I will praise You in this storm, too.

We talk a lot about the storms of life. The trials. The rough stuff. We talk about how these times refine us and bring us closer to Him. All of this is absolutely true. I've lived it. Repeatedly. 

But what about the other times? When the sun's still shining and yet He is teaching us, still. Nourishing us. Are we searching and listening as closely during these times as we do when we are hurting? Most likely not. We are a fickle bunch whose emotions can influence our choices. This spiritual "summer rain" is a place I've seen many get caught off guard by satan. 

When things are good, we relax and, naturally, we are less diligent about our communication with God. Our prayers are less frequent and less intense, our spiritual disciplines become an afterthought. 

I haven't had many times like this in my life to be honest and certainly am not there right now. In fact, I don't think I'll know how to react when it happens again. That moment where you exhale all the crap and you have such joy for all the amazing things God has done, (I confess I'm still short of breath most of the time). Chances are I will end up in the midst of an ugly cry again, so just call me a modern day Margery Kempe and stop staring!

What I wish for you my friends is that whatever rainstorm in which you currently find yourself, whether dark as night or bright as day, take the time to be still, lift your face and hands to the sky, allow the rain to completely drench you, to nourish you, because it's all for His glory, not ours.

Pick me! Pick me!

I was never picked first in elementary school. Most of the time it was close to last or, on a few occasions, dead last. It wasn't that I completely sucked at sports, well except dodgeball. I never understood dodgeball, but if you'd given me a sport where I could chase people with a bat instead of an awkward-sized rubber ball, I most certainly would've excelled. I think it's because I've always been an unknown variable. Consistency is not exactly my strong suit to say the least.

This, "never being picked first" curse has followed me my entire life. Having been passed over for jobs or promotions, never getting the role I really wanted, rarely being asked my opinion on important matters, this did little to validate me. Even in the moments I have had a little success, I felt like it was in someone else's shadow. In turn, I have always behaved however I wanted. It's not like anyone was paying attention, right?

The further away I get from the values of the world and closer to understanding the life God wants for me, the less I am bothered by my curse. Don't get me wrong, I'm still hoping that someday I will walk into a room full of people who adore me, cheering and clapping and throwing confetti with Whitney Houston on stage belting out "One Moment In Time," (obviously this dream needs an update), but I can laugh at myself now. I accept that this life isn't about me at all. It's about God using me to reveal His own power and glory. To take someone so shattered by this world and recreate him into an instrument of grace and love is something only God can do and for which only He can be given praise.

It's painful, no doubt. Much like a doctor must re-break a bone that has healed wrong, God had to re-break my heart so that He could perfectly mend it. The result of this, you ask? His clever plan for me to be completely, 100%, no holds barred, dependent upon Him. This has taken the conversations in our relationship to a whole new level which is exhilarating and exhausting all at once.

We argue daily. And I get so frustrated that I can't see my path forward yet, but He is teaching me to trust Him completely. For someone that has never actually trusted another living soul since the day his mother died almost 26 years ago, this is no easy achievement. In "Life of the Beloved," Henri Nouwen writes about a choice we make through the healing, reconciliation, and realization processes: "It is here that we are faced with the freedom to make a decision. We can decide to be grateful or to be bitter. We can decide to recognize our chosenness in the moment or we can decide to focus on the shadow side."

As easily as bitterness comes to me, I fight it with prayer and praise because, while my dry, cynical wit is still an obvious card I play in social situations, there is no room for the seeds of sour grapes in this new heart He's given me and filled with His spirit.

Of course I struggle. I haven't finished a blog in over a week because I couldn't get over myself and my own feelings of doubt and frustration. But today, among other good things and people, a friend, (an AMAZING friend at that), texted me this:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I have read this repeatedly for the past couple of hours. Actually, I'm clinging to it like a toddler with a security blanket, because, well, I'm human and giving up my own life and my own say in the direction of that life is, well, completely and utterly terrifying.

But that's what it takes. Total surrender. Asking to be chosen last. To be made least. There is no other way.

So take heart my fellow dodgeball failures! God's got a plan for your mad skills.

And for those of you who've been hogging the spotlight, be careful, it can blind you to the truth.

The Heart of the Matter

Yesterday our church spread out all over Jonesboro to serve our community. I was part of a team that went to support an effort our friends at First Baptist had already begun. We did a mini-VBS with the kids and served lunch to anyone who showed up.

Now, before I say anything else, I should tell you I didn't really do anything. I went into this event feeling like I should step back and observe because there was something for me to learn. And boy did I.

I had invited some ladies to come with me to the event and they were very happy to join in and help. They are members of our church, but tend to keep to themselves mostly and not because they are strange or try to isolate themselves. I think it's because they just don't get asked. Know anybody like that in your church? If you don't, I suggest you look around next Sunday.

These ladies arrived at the complex with me, but took off ahead of me as I waited for others. Before I knew it, I looked up and saw them wearing gloves and walking all over the apartment grounds picking up trash. The interesting contrast was that I saw many of the "involved" members of our church standing around talking to each other sort of lost on what to do.

Now, I am not being judgmental at all. I am grateful for each person that gave of their time and even showed up. Many of us, me included, are stepping out into unknown territory and have quickly become experts at hand-wringing. There's an adjustment that has to happen when you step out of your bubble. God never said that his work would just come naturally to us. It takes time and there is a learning curve. And we certainly had far more volunteers than tasks.

My point is, while God is the only one who can truly know, there are some moments we get a glimpse into the hearts' of others . These ladies are servants and I am humbled by their fearlessness to just walk into a situation, see a need, and start taking care of it. No muss, no fuss. Those are my gals.

Each of you have people in your life that you don't invite to things like this. Sure, you've probably invited them to worship, but that's an immediate turn off for what I would guess is the majority. However, we live in a time where most have a sense of social responsibility and do like to volunteer.

So here's your chance friends! Engage the people around you and give them a chance to show you what kind of heart they have. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

And a big thank you to those that led all of the events around town yesterday, especially Meagan Cremeens for putting ours together and being a great example of leadership to our young women. You can read her latest blog post at:  http://inthenameoflovelaughterandliving.blogspot.com/2012/04/you-love-for-me-to-sing-to-you.html?spref=fb

I wanna hold your hand

People always leave.

I came to accept this "absolute truth" at a young age when, in a very short span of time I lost my mom, my grandmother, my grandfather, and my aunt. I felt abandoned. And there was no one left in my life to show me affection. Don't get me wrong, my needs were met, and I know people loved me because they took care of me, but none of them really showed me through physical contact. Given everything else that went on during this "7 to 11" age, (someday I'll be brave enough to write about them), it's no wonder that, by the time I hit puberty, I felt completely alone in the world. I also had a lot of hate and I dolled it out in true "Shane" style for the better part of two decades.

In just the past few weeks, I've watched friends suffer great loss. A single car accident that killed a previous co-worker, the mother of a dear friend just suddenly gone, and a buddy, with whom I shared a birthday and deep sadness over a girl who left us too soon, killed in a motorcycle accident. The ripple effects of these lives are evident in the outpouring of emotion from their deaths.

Now, there's a little boy, Joseph, for whom my heart breaks everyday. My buddy, Joe, was his father and his mother was Jennye, the girl who left us too soon. I know this child's ache. That physical, painful emptiness that sits in the middle of your chest and makes it hard to breathe. Even at thirty five I still feel like an orphan. Even though I know it wasn't by choice, I still feel abandoned. Fortunately, Joseph is surrounded by family that includes many of the most amazing, loving, godly people I've ever known. And they know how to show affection.

Loneliness sucks. And more often than not, I still get swallowed by it, but I'm trying to trust that He is with me and that I am loved, no matter what. It's easier said than done when days go by and you think, "I could be dead as a door nail on my bathroom floor and no one would even know. I hope I'm clothed if that happens."

The truth is, we all need to make more effort to love the people in our lives. It is far too easy for the hurting, the abandoned, the broken-hearted to slip from our grasp because we were too busy focusing on things that don't matter in the end. And in this age of technology, there's no reason why, when you think of someone, you can't tell them, (and if you don't, you could be ignoring the Spirit, just sayin').

I love the aramaic/english translation of Hebrews 13:5 that says, "...for THE LORD JEHOVAH has said, “I shall not forsake you, neither shall I let go of your hand.”

Much of the way God shows his love for us is through his people.

God wants his people to be affectionate. He knows the importance of being embraced. He knows that when you put your arm around another person that, even if it's just for that moment, that person feels special. Loved. 


So get to huggin' people. There's no easier way to change the world. 


And if you need someone to hold your hand, just ask, because my God always provides. Always.

Knock, Knock

Today I have been visited by an old friend of mine: doubt. I'm sure you have met him. He's a clever cat, always there, consistent, patient, just waiting for that one thought. That one moment of weakness where you consider the lie as truth.

Yesterday, a friend, and someone for whom I have great respect and love, made a joke about the fact that I don't act my age. So true. And completely harmless, until I get home and am by myself for five minutes and begin to obsess. What do these people think of me? Do they think I'm stupid? Silly? Shouldn't be respected? Unworthy of them?

Yes, I confess, this is how I operate. Every conversation, every situation, I replay on a continuous loop to find some underlying meaning or intention, or to confirm what I already believe in my core: you don't really like me. I have no extrinsic value. I am merely taking up space and oxygen.

This journey toward realizing my own self-worth has been unbearably long, filled with anxiety, frustration, and a lot of tears, (I'm getting weepy in my old age), but the rewards are what keep me from opening that door on days like today. When God shakes me out of my inner-turmoil coma and shows me how He used me to impact a child's life, change a perspective, or how He turned my sacrifice into something far greater, I live for these moments. I guess you could say it's my new addiction.

There is, however, a greater story here. And that is, what should I look like? We generally ascribe certain things to my age, (marriage, kids, career, home, stability, etc.), but what's the truth in them? Honestly, there isn't any. There's nothing wrong with any of it, so don't misunderstand me, but these things can be, (and typically are), as selfishly driven as anything I've ever done. All of these "trappings" are the sign of a grown-up, a person who has made the right investments, worked hard, claimed their "40 acres and a mule," if you will. It's the American dream and, at its core, it is a very dangerous one. How could that be dangerous, you ask? Because it leads to self-sufficiency and pride.

I really struggle with this "ideal" that people put upon me, (and, for years, I put upon myself), that I had to live a certain kind of life to be respected or appreciated. It's not so much my own self-worth anymore as it is the people I see hiding behind these mostly "surface" identifiers. I just want to jerk them up from that job or house they're hiding behind and say, "see, you were meant for more."

And don't get me wrong, marriage can be a great and godly thing, but with a sixty plus percent divorce rate among Christians, (higher than the national average), we've made it either a hurdle for approval or a selfish investment. And kids? If I had the resources, I'd adopt and foster as many as I could tomorrow. I know how it feels to be left alone in this world. But I'm not there yet, (hopefully someday I will be), and until then I will support my friends who are parents, giving them breaks, and being an example of an individual who stands strong in Christ.

All the other stuff? I doubt that God will ever leave me in a comfortable place for long, so why bother. This world isn't my home anyway, so it's no surprise that I have never felt like I belong enough to want those things.

Now, to set you all straight so my inbox isn't flooded with comments: I am not judging any of the things I've mentioned here, (though I do dare you to ask yourself the question, "did I really need that mercedes/lexus/bmw, or could I have bought a Honda and been just fine, therefore freeing up more resources for God to use?"), I understand that people are unique and have different levels of need. And God really wants us to enjoy His blessings, but you should ask yourself to what extent your blessings are for you and for you to bless others.

I do challenge you to ask yourself the questions that I am challenging myself with: what do I REALLY need? What could God do with me and the things He has blessed me with if I got out of His way?

I am sure that doubt will come a knockin' again soon, possibly before the sun reaches the horizon, but I will simply lock the door, sing His praises and dance like the barefoot fool the world, (and a lot of the church), thinks I am.

Cause this is God's house. And He don't take kindly to strangers.